His penis is too big
posted: 05/06/2006 12:00 am
Dear Dr. Myrtle,
I am with a new guy, who for the first time I thought could be "the one." After a month and half of hand holding, kissing, and touching. I was ready to make love. He undresses me I undress him, and I get a "big" shock. I’m not trying to be funny, but his penis is so big his father had to be part horse! At first I was scared, but then I thought about the fact that a woman’s vagina gets big enough to have babies - plus, women in porno movie take those really big guys with no problem, so maybe I could do the same.
Well, I was sexually ready with foreplay, but he could only get a little of himself in me before I had to tell him, "STOP!" We even used KY Jelly, which helped very little. My question is: is there any way or anything I could use to make my vagina wider? Is there any thing a doctor can do? Can any woman’s vagina take any penis size? I would really hate to lose this great guy.
Oh my. It is true that some men are just too large for some women, which is why men’s desire for larger penises can be so off-base. There are things you can do to both stretch yourself, and prepare better for intercourse. However, it is possible that he will still only partially fit after all is said and done.
First, I want to suggest that you consider that there are many ways to make love with a man, and only one of them is vaginal intercourse. You can learn the many techniques of male genital massage (the DVD "Fire on the Mountain" shows dozens of different ways to massage men’s genitals pleasurably). Go get yourselves a bottle of a good personal lubricant, not KY - it dries out and gets sticky way too fast - and practice those massage techniques. If your breasts are large enough, some people enjoy inter-mammary intercourse (squeezing his penis between your breasts) and you can also have him rub, with lots of lubricant, between your closed thighs, but not necessarily into your vagina. So explore the alternatives, and enjoy the opportunity for the two of you to communicate about what you both enjoy, and how you both like to be touched.
While your vagina does stretch to let a baby out, keep in mind that it takes hours to get to that point, and also involves hormone changes and lots of pain. So, you probably don’t want to try to stretch your vagina as far as you would if you were giving birth. You can, however, work at conscious relaxation of your pelvic floor muscles, which will allow you to be more "open" and relaxed. To find your PC muscle, insert two fingers into your vagina and squeeze down on them. Those are the same muscles you are exercising if you do Kegel exercises. Now, contract, then relax those muscles. When you are getting ready to have intercourse with your partner, or even to work on stretching your vagina some, you will want to completely relax those muscles. It may help to take a deep breath and let it out as you try to relax.
He can help you with this next step. You are going to spend a lot of time getting aroused, and having him put his fingers into you. Remember not to have anything inserted into your vagina until you are quite aroused, and use extra lubricant (lots!). Once you are aroused, you can have him put his fingers in your vagina, stimulating your vulva and clitoris at the same time. As you get more aroused, have him put as many fingers as will fit comfortably into you. You can then practice breathing and relaxing, and have him stimulate you to orgasm, all the while keeping his fingers inside of you until your orgasm subsides. Each time you do this, have him flex his fingers as you relax, and have him add another finger as you can accept it. He can use both hands, or one hand. Continue on this way until you see if you can comfortably accommodate the number of fingers that are equivalent to the width of his penis.
When you try to have intercourse, use a condom and use a whole lot of lubricant on the outside of it. Again, choose a lube that is not oil, KY, or anything likely to dry out or get sticky. Have him slowly enter you, and just stay there, not thrusting. Either you or he should gently stimulate your clitoris while his penis is in your vagina, but he should not move unless you are comfortable.
Keep in mind that he may never be able to penetrate you deeply; some women have short vaginas, others are longer. You should always be in positions where you can control the depth of thrusting.
Take your time, talk a lot, and remember to never penetrate your vagina until you are quite aroused. Don’t feel bad if you need to add lubricant; many women don’t naturally lubricate enough for comfortable sex. And until you can comfortably have intercourse, remember that there are many other fun things you two can do with each other in the meantime.