Great Sex for Moms
Great Sex for Moms is an excellent guide for mothers with low or diminished libido who are interested in reconnecting with their partners and their sexual selves. Written by Dr. Valerie Davis Raskin, a practicing psychiatrist and clinical associate professor of psychiatry at the University of Chicago, Great Sex for Moms sets out to prove that you can have a great sex life and raise children too.
The book is divided into two main parts: The Diagnosis in which she lays out "The Four Obstacles to Great Sex for Moms" in an effort to pinpoint the nature of sexual difficulty and/or low desire, and The Prescription, in which she includes ten steps for improving sexual connection and nurturing passion.
In The Diagnosis Dr. Raskin urges readers to face reality head on and reflect on their present circumstances with their partner. Often, sexual difficulties are not physical in nature and point to a deeper issue in the relationship. To make matters more complicated, for many parents energy is sparse and finding the time or the desire for sex can be challenging. While for some the present situation may seem bleak or even unchangeable, this portion of the book is very hopeful and offers guidance on how to move forward, affirming that things can change for the better with intention and receptivity.
Dr. Raskin divides The Prescription into three phases in which she debuts her 10 steps.
"Phase One: Establish a Foundation of Values" encourages readers to establish values about sexuality and to question assumptions about sex and their children’s needs. You’ll learn about how to incorporate sexual pleasure into self-care, how to create and maintain energy, and tips for combating your inner-perfectionist.
"Phase Two: Unlock Your Sexual Potential" provides excellent strategies for improving communication inside and outside of the bedroom, and actively thinking about sex. Dr. Raskin also discusses removing orgasm as a goal and increasing sensual and mindful touch with your partner. You’ll find many nice exercises that you can do individually or with a partner.
"Phase Three: Accept the Wisdom of Others" discusses how to incorporate erotic DVDs, toys, erotica, as well as how to experiment with fantasy. The last chapter in this section explores underlying physical conditions that may affect blood flow, nerve health, and general state of mind, which naturally affect libido. You’ll learn about medications that affect libido and alternatives or comedications to try, and how talk therapy can be helpful for individuals and couples.
Dr. Raskin concludes with an Appendix with sections on "Sexual Advice for Dads" as well as "Sexual Dysfunction". You’ll also find resources for further learning.
While you can pick up the book and start reading at any point, it is useful to read the chapters sequentially to learn more about building a strong foundation for a good sex life.
Dr. Raskin writes for a female reader, and while she encourages readers to substitute with whatever pronouns and descriptors apply to them, she does assume that her audience is primarily heterosexual and married.
For some it may feel clinical or too prescriptive, but on the other hand, her background as a psychiatrist brings many excellent suggestions for communication that you really do not see in all books. It's also not limited to the challenges of maintaining sexual intimacy with the arrival of a new baby; this book would be a nice choice for parents with children of any age. Because the book doesn’t focus overly much on the ins and outs of parenting, the book would also be useful for couples experiencing low libido (and wanting to change it).
If you’re looking for a book with a more conservative tone with a lot of emphasis on improving communication as well as your sexual connection, this book may be a nice choice for you. If you would prefer a more lighthearted guide with more emphasis on "sex after baby," Love in the Time of Colic may be a nice choice for you.
238 pages. Author: Valerie Davis Raskin, MD. 2002.
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